Limericks by Gram

My Gram taught us all sorts of limericks, some were more appropriate than others. Here are a few of our favorites (as I remember them)...

Two Irishmen two Irishmen were diggin in a ditch
One called the other one a dirty son of a
Peter Murphy Peter Murphy had a little dog
A very fine dog was he
He gave it to his neighbor to keep her company
She fed it she fed it and taught it how to jump
It jumped right up her petticoat and bit her in the
Asters azaleas 25 cents a bunch and
If you don't like my story you can kiss my rump!

There was a little dog and his name was Bing
He'll be eight years old if he lives 'till spring
His head bulges out and his rear caves in
It's a darn good dog for the shape he's in!

Little old lady time for tea
Here's a kiss, two, or three
Your just like the little old lady
I hold dear to me...
Little bit of business here
little bit of business there
I'll bet you've been window shopping all around the square.

There was a little dog and his name was Jack
He pooped all over the railroad track
The train came by
The poop flew high
and hit the conductor square in the eye!